sometimes I struggle

Sometimes I find myself struggle as a working mum. B4 having JD, I had a vague impression that my life would change, but never did I realise that it could have changed so much. Don't get me wrong, I am still me, but many other things have changed, my goals, my ambitions, my focus, my working life, my priorities..the list goes on an on.

I have always enjoyed every single moment I have had since JD was born.

But my struggle as a working mom happens sometimes when I try to find the right balance betweeen being a good mum, a good employee, a good team player, a wife and so on. Sometimes I find myself having the random thoughts of maybe giving up my day job for a while and staying home as a full-time mom. Maybe I will start a child care service at home caring for my kid and other people's kids...and that give me the balance of evetything I am looking for.

Sometimes I struggle because I felt bad if I had to leave on the dot from work to pick up my kiddo from childcare. Sometimes it is because I have something important to finish off but I still have to dash off because I have to start my next shift as a mom in half an hour's time! That shift defintely can't be left waiting!

Sometimes I have to miss an important meeting because I needed to stay home to care for my sick child.

Sometimes I get a call in the middle of the day from childcare because my child has fallen sick.

Sometimes I worry that maybe I am not spending enuf time with my kid or not spending enuf time for hubby.

Sometimes I get so caught up with my tasks at work and at home that I felt bad for not having enuf time for other friends and families.

Sometimes I would be thinking about work, running a million ideas and thoughts still on my projects while on the bus going home.

Oh, and then thinking about what to make for dinner....

That train of thoughts never stops!

But then this moment comes at the end of each day which puts everything right again.

My worries, my struggles dissapear instantaneously when I pick up JD from childcare. Hearing him saying "It's my mommy, yay!" and seeing his smiles and cuddles from him when I pick him up from childcare is what makes me feel okay all over again.

Sure, it's never easy being a mom to start with, you are always thinking about this, about that, and always running around doing things. But every other moms in the world would just be in the same boat. Kids will grow up, goals and ambitions we can catch up, but spending quality time with JD in his early years is something I could never catch up on!